I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I will die if light touches me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
