Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
