Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
