I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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