so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
