at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
There's even glitter on my cock...
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