Little spoons don't ask big questions
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
