this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
