Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
