hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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