11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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