never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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