good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
