I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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