So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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