a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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