so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
