I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
