Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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