i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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