Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
