im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
