Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
