I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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