dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My bed smells like the plague
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
