Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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