Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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