you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
