so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
