I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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