I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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