so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
