I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
