just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
