K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
