Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
