I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
