i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
