I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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