i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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