i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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