I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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