So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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