i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
