How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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