blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
