i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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