You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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