Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Randomize
