Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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