I wish life had little blips of pornography
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
