So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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