i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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