i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Randomize
