Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
