So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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