i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
