It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We are all done wearing pants today
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
