just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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